i feel so tired ... tired from arguing with eyen.. .. he says i wasnt being encouraging but have he ever put himself in my shoes? i was freaking tired.. wasnt even a committee member and doing hell shit stuff for them and have to be the middle bread between him and his dad.
these days... i dun know why, even the slightest converstaion would turn into fights...i feel extremely tired... from being caught in between his parents... extremely drained that i dun even feel like getting out of the bed.
seriously, i m really really disapointed.. things like he promised me never to meet the other ger again turn out to be fake too haiz
Monday, March 30, 2009
Friday, January 9, 2009
Aijin
its 410am now and i m still counting spiders legs.. feeling vex today over certain issues...
family woes - got a slap from my family today, it seems like things between us just kinda get from bad to worst. i just keep getting misunderstood for no f$&*# excuse.. and everything that i have ever done for them never seems to be right .. feel like crying now actually.
friendship woes - worrying for mel and thomas and realise weird things on why elric would only post when eyen is away.. and alot more other issues just keep bugging me..
business - things are picking up faster than normal now, which is gd cos it allows me to refocus back on running events, and building costumes empire here in singapore and malaysia. there are alot of business ideas and model running thru my mind now and i guess that might be one of the reasons why i m bothered and couldnt get any sleep.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Flew off
yea he flew off after a big hoo haaa..
sometime back in early december 2008, a friend asked me if i was seeing anyone exclusively.. I honestly say that I wasnt cos everything is kinda in a stage where everyone was just hanging out together as friends.
if u ask me, if i am seeing anyone now.. i would say yes definitely... well, we kinda started only during the NYE 2009.. I m seeing him exclusively now (i hope :)).. even thou he will be traveling away for work soon.. i would rather keep my finger crossed and hope that this would be a long term thingy..
Hope this clear the air to friends who have been asking me if i m still single, dating exclusively or already married.
Joke of the day!
this is cracking me up big time.. yen is suppose to fly off today but only to realise that his visa expired and havent apply for a new one. So now, he is stuck back here in singapore :D
cracked me up big time :D
titaing 2
yawn. I just took my nap.. was thinking of writing some stuff but i think i have caught e-yen's bugs - the food coma virus...
these few days of hanging around at e-yen place taught freedom a few things...
1) how to climb and go down the stairs
2) how to go out to do her own business before coming back in alone
3) how it feels to have family or people who really dotes on her around her everyday
at this moment, i feel so much at peace with myself. e-yen is flying off tonight and will only be back in two week's time. well, ask me if i m scared or worried if he will turn out to be like the two guys i have dated before?! definitely not.. dun ask me why either.. i do have this trust and faith in him that he will come back for me... there are just things that doesn't need to spell out.. a type of connection i have with him.. nudging me to trust him and assuring me that he is never going to hurt me. maybe it was that dream that i had in september even before i ever met him.
there is this thing that i have kinda realized, whenever i m with him... i feel so at ease and everything just kinda fall into place on their own... its a no pressure kinda of relationship.. and i m glad i found someone whom i can really just be myself.
next.. tomorrow i will have to head out for a meeting and concentrate fully on my biz, keeping my finger really crossed that by june, i can auto pilot the distribution of costumes in singapore and hopefully by then I would be able to do some extensive traveling around the world.
things i would need to do tonight
1) process some orders for the company
2) do my chant
3) brush free free
4) read the piles of books
5) sleep in early
something just made me laugh out really loud! update later
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Adopted new religion
Most of the ppl around me knew that i 'was' a converted jew.. but recently i've adopted a new religion. i have decided to pick up this new 'tibetan religion' thingy not becos of any other person like before, but much rather for the benefit of myself, my family and friends.
tibetan religion revolved around dharma, good karma and bad karma including the belief of the deeds (gd and bad) that we have planted in our previous life.
read the extract below for more information
Special features of Tibetan Buddhism
- the status of the teacher or "Lama"
- preoccupation with the relationship between life and death
- important role of rituals and initiations
- rich visual symbolism
- elements of earlier Tibetan faiths
- mantras and meditation practice
Tibetan Buddhist practice features a number of rituals, and spiritual practices such as the use of mantras and yogic techniques.
Supernatural beings are prominent in Tibetan Buddhism. Buddhas and bodhisattvas abound, gods and spirits taken from earlier Tibetan religions continue to be taken seriously. Bodhisattvas are portrayed as both benevolent godlike figures and wrathful deities.
This metaphysical context has allowed Tibetan Buddhism to develop a strong artistic tradition, and paintings and other graphics are used as aids to understanding at all levels of society.
Visual aids to understanding are very common in Tibetan Buddhism - pictures, structures of various sorts and public prayer wheels and flags provide an ever-present reminder of the spiritual domain in the physical world.
Tibetan Buddhism is strong in both monastic communities and among lay people.
The lay version has a strong emphasis on outwardly religious activities rather than the inner spiritual life: there is much ritual practice at temples, pilgrimage is popular - often including many prostrations, and prayers are repeated over and over - with the use of personal or public prayer wheels and flags. There are many festivals, and funerals are very important ceremonies.
Lay people provide physical support to the monasteries as well as relying on the monks to organise the rituals.
Lamas
Tibetan monastery ©
A lama is a teacher. They are often a senior member of a monastic community - a monk or a nun - but lay people and married people can also be lamas. They are very often reincarnations of previous lamas.
As well as being learned in Buddhist texts and philosophy, lamas often have particular skills in ritual.
The Dalai Lama
Dalai is a Mongol word meaning ocean, and refers to the depth of the Dalai Lama's wisdom.
The first Dalai Lama to bear the title was the 3rd Dalai Lama, Sonam Gyatso. (The two previous incarnations were named "Dalai Lama" after their deaths.)
The current Dalai Lama (2002), Tenzin Gyatso, was born in Amdo, Tibet in 1935 and is the fourteenth Dalai Lama.
The Karmapa Lama
Karmapa means "one who performs the activity of a Buddha". The current incarnation (2002) is the 17th Karmapa. Two individuals have been declared the 17th Karmapa; Orgyen Trinley Dorje is generally and officially recognised as the official 17th Karmapa, however a rival Buddhist group give their allegiance to Trinlay Thaye Dorje.
Tantra
Tibetan Buddhism was much influenced by Tantra, and this has brought in a wealth of complex rituals and symbols and techniques.
Tantra originated in India and appears in both the Hindu and Buddhist traditions. It brings Tibetan Buddhism a magical element and a rich portfolio of heavenly beings. It also brings a wide variety of spiritual techniques such as mantras, mandalas, ceremonies, and many varieties of yoga.
Rituals
Rituals and simple spiritual practices such as mantras are popular with lay Tibetan Buddhists. They include prostrations, making offerings to statues of Buddhas or bodhisattvas, attending public teachings and ceremonies.
Tibetan temple ceremonies are often noisy and visually striking, with brass instruments, cymbals and gongs, and musical and impressive chanting by formally dressed monks. It takes place in strikingly designed temples and monasteries.
Advanced practices
Tibetan Buddhism also involves many advanced rituals. These are only possible for those who have reached a sophisticated understanding of spiritual practice.
There are also advanced spiritual techniques. These include elaborate visualisations and demanding meditations. It's said that senior Tibetan yoga adepts can achieve much greater control over the body than other human beings, and are able to control their body temperature, heart rate and other normally automatic functions.
Living and dying
Tibetan Buddhism emphasises awareness of death and impermanence. Everything is always dying - the cells of our bodies are dying even while we live, reminding us of our own impermanence. And all the living things around us are dying, too.
This awareness should not produce sadness or despair, nor should it cause a Buddhist to start a frantic pursuit of the impermanent pleasures of life. Instead, it should lead the Buddhist to see the value of every moment of existence, and be diligent in their meditation and other religious practice.
Awareness of death, combined with the understanding of the impermanence of everything, leads the Buddhist to realise that only spiritual things have any lasting value.
Preparing for death
Tibetan Buddhists use visualisation meditations and other exercises to imagine death and prepare for the bardo. They work towards a holistic understanding and acceptance of death as an inevitable part of their journey.
Another way of preparing for death is to take part in helping those who have died through their experience in the bardo. This not only aids the dead, but enables the living practitioner to gain a real experience of the bardo, before they themselves enter it.
Even those who cannot gain the spiritual awareness to have a consciousness of the bardo are helped by achieving a greater experience of the impermanence of everything.
Tibetan Book of the Dead
This is one of the great texts of Tibetan Buddhism, and a big seller in the west. The English title is not a translation of the Tibetan title - the book's true name is Great Liberation through hearing during the intermediate state, commonly known in Tibet asLiberation through hearing.
The book deals with the experiences of a person as they pass between death and rebirth.
Bardo
Bardo is the state between death and rebirth. The different schools of Tibetan Buddhism have different understandings of this state which is regarded as lasting for 49 days.
The experience of a person during bardo depends on their spiritual training during life. An untrained person is thought to be confused as to where they are, and may not realise that they have died. People are often unwilling to give up attachment to their previous life - and their negative emotions - may cause their rebirth to be less good than it would otherwise have been.
In traditional Tibetan Buddhism, the dead person is helped through bardo by a lama who reads prayers and performs rituals from the Book of the Dead, advising the deceased to break free from attachment to their past life and their dead body. In some schools of Tibetan Buddhism, the lama will actively help the dead person to transfer their consciousness from their body, in preparation for rebirth.
Many Tibetan Buddhists believe that it is possible for those left behind to assist the dead person on their journey by doing spiritual work that increases the merits of the deceased and thus helps them to a better rebirth.
During the 49 day period the dead can see clearly into the minds of those left behind, which allows the living to help the dead by thinking good thoughts, meditating on Buddha and other virtuous beings, and engaging in spiritual practices.
tita-ing
16 november was my last post.. and here i m again on 04 january, doing my first post of 2009.
there are definitely things i would like to work for in this wonderful year 2009
1) i want to make sure confidentielles expand in the line of distribution and that she can be on auto pilot within a year time.
2) i want to get involve in more charities work and learn to be more compassionate.
3) i want to hit my first 800k in this year
4) i want to travel around the world
5) i want to spend more time cultivating my relationship with my family members
6) i want to fall in love and stay in love with just one person
7) i want to make out in the rain
more to add into the list :D
a few things happened lately and that got me thinking really hard on certain issues in life and relationship. I m sure by now..those who knows me pretty well, would have already got wind on whats going on in my sister's family.. so here is the latest update
Yesterday me and eyen received an sms from my brother in law asking me to take care of my nephew wesley and biding us goodbye. seriously I kinda freak out big time just thinking that he is going to kill himself.. so immediately i called my brother and ask him whats really going on and he told me that my brother in law bob is trying to kill himself and he is rushing down to pick wesley and try find my brother in law.. thank god, i was with yen and being a nice guy, he rush me down to meet my brother.
by the time we got there, my brother has already found my brother in law..so we sat down and started persuading him not to do silly things and move on with his life... blab blab blab..anyway to cut the bullshit on what was being dicussed over the table... we managed to get him to change his mind on killing himself.. everything kinda resume back to normal right after that. but this matter just got me thinking on how fragile life can be and how irresponsible a person can choose to be.
I m very disappointed with my sister on how she handled the whole situation...argh, i m feeling freaking hungry now.. going to grab a bite before continuing this post...
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